RAINN = Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network = http://www.rainn.org/
These are all the blogs that are sponsoring for RAINN:http://www.beercanhill.com/http://blog.kimberlykaye.com/http://meg-toxicity.livejournal.com/http://aixela-twentynothing.blogspot.com/http://endthesilencecampaign.com/http://voicethesilence.com/http://kristinammorgan.blogspot.com/http://withasideofwhimsy.blogspot.com/http://auraesque.livejournal.com/http://voamblogathon.blogspot.com/http://elisarose82.livejournal.com/
This was taken off my LJ from June 04
"(*)When I was about 4-6 my mother lived with her friend Mary. Mary's house was the shittiest thing you've ever seen. Sure it had enough rooms for all of us, but it was infested with bugs. Moths, crickets, fleas (lots of these), grasshoppers, spiders and most of all cockroaches. We would start a bath in our house, leave the bathroom, come back and find the tub half filled with water cockroaches. I believe you can understand that this was obviously what caused my SEVERE PHOBIA of bugs. But what really ticks me off is that my mother could have, at any point, gone to live with my grandma, Van, who had plenty of room for us and her house was in a MUCH better shape than that.
(*)What finally got us out of Mary's house was Robert, my mom's new boyfriend after my parents divorced when I was 3. We moved out and got a place in a small four-plex (cross between an apartment and a duplex). Robert considered himself an artist, which is in fact one of the main reasons he was able to get so close to me (for those you don't get it, I'm an artist, you dumbass). According to my father though, he was an "adult" artist, and a bad one at that. Robert was the perfect guy for the most part in my mother's eyes and couldn't understand why we didn't like him. He took us to movies, played with us, took us swimming, etc. Except he wasn't very good at playing with us or any of those other activities.
(*) [this is with the above topic] We went to my mother's work or something like that and she parked in one of those big parking garage buildings (this is in Austin by the way) at the top. Robert thought it would be funny to hold most of my body off of the ledge of the 10?-story building. I freaked and every since then had a fear of falling/high insecure places. My mother thought I was overreacting. "He was just kidding"
(*) [also with the above] Robert and my mom eventually moved to an apartment (the one he would later disappear from) and decided to take me, my older sis Amanda, and my little toddler-like sister Claudia (spawn of Jane- my mom- and Robert.... She was cursed from the start... bad genes) swimming. Except I wouldn't let go of the ledge when I was in the water, because it had been so long since I had swum I had forgotten how to. Robert decided to help me remember. He told me to hold on to him and nudge him when I couldn't breath anymore. He promptly picked me up and jumped into the deep end of the water. Me and him floated in the water for a brief while before I ran out of air. I nudged him. No response. I nudged him as hard as my 6-8 yr old body could. Nothing. Finally, on the bridge of passing out, Robert resurfaced us. And thus, my fear of deep water and drowning was created. I flipped and went crying to my mother. She again though I was overreacting. "He was just trying to help you"
(*) [again, also with the above] More events besides the two above and the one I'm about to say, I can' remember, I'm fairly sure there was more Robert did but these three sure had their effects. When I was about 8-ish, Robert molested me. He didn't rape me... just molested. It was a punishment. If I misbehaved my sister was sent to her room (where she could actually see all that Robert was about to do to me) and he would sit me down and force me to watch scary movies like Candyman and Hellraiser (movies no 8 yr old should see). But while I would be forced to watch, he would molest me at the same time. The bad feeling from being molested and the fear from the movies mixed in my subconscious. I will never EVER watch a scary movie again in my life. Robert assured that. This continued for sometime. Until I finally spilled the beans to my father one weekend. He was taking us to his house for the weekend, when I told him "I don't like it when Robert tickles me there" and I pointed at my crotch. My dad freaked and almost drove us off the rode. He made it to his house where his buddies were at and told them what I told him. They then conducted an interrogation of me and my sister. To their dread, our stories matched proving that the story was true. They called CPS and they said all they could do was say he couldn't be alone with me and my sister. (Yes, fuck you too, Child Protective Services!!!) We told my mother what was going on. And you know how she reacted???
She didn't believe it.
How the fucking hell, can you not believe innocent 7 and 8 yr olds and four other adults?!?!?! I mean really!? How!? I'd like to know how she believed against all our truth, the one lie that Robert was. I never understood it. But being non-confrontational and Robert being a taboo in my mother's house, there is no chance of finding out. Obviously the molestation had more than the effect of swearing me off scary movies. Thanks to Robert, in the future with my girl friends and boy friends, if they hurt me on accident during any sort of sexualness, I would flip. During my first sexual experience I totally freaked out. This was with Sara, her nails had been too long, and she scratched me on the inside. I ended up huddled in her closet corner, bawling my eyes out. You'd think that would have been when she found out about Robert. It would have been too except then I didn't know. My memory completely erased it. I don't remember a thing. One day I may remember it, but that is highly unlikely. I found out at some point after I moved in with my father that Robert had done this. I had been confused by lots of comments that my dad's friends had made and finally Laura told me one day in the car. It was certainly mind-blowing and did make things have more sense. But the first encounter with Sara was in about early 8th grade. I didn't move into my father's till the second week of 9th grade. But eventually I finally, with the help of Eric and his undying love for me, I was able to overcome most of my fears. I love Eric so much for being patient with me. I love him sooooooo much. I'm glad I was able to find someone I trust as much as him (Note: also because of Robert I don't trust anyone completely). Eric I love you!!!!! Anyway, on with this expose which is really long ^_^;"
It continues on from their about other not as relevant stuff... I felt it unnecesarry to post the rest. I know it sounds lame that I can't remember, but it doesn't mean it affected me any less. That's all I have to say.